I know I’ve been a lot quieter than usual online for the last few months, but there’s a good reason: The first trimester of pregnancy has been way tougher than I (naively) expected. Yep, Steven and I are having a baby in about six months! Naturally, I have a lot of thoughts on the subject….
I’ve been thinking a lot about how you’re “not supposed to” share pregnancy news until after the first trimester, when the risk of miscarriage goes down. If we give that rule the benefit of the doubt, it’s to help protect the mother-to-be from having to deal with painful conversations if she has a miscarriage during the months when it’s most likely. But the less-charitable explanations are connected to the way our society tends to treat miscarriages as something shameful, to be hidden away and minimized. I can’t speak for how women who have had miscarriages feel about this. But having just gone through two and a half months of fatigue and nausea, it seemed like it was an extra burden to feel like I had to lie and make up excuses, or try to pretend I was fine when I wasn’t. And if something does go wrong, having an emotional support system in place is important!
Morning sickness is a well-known concept, but I thought if I had it, I’d just feel bad and throw up once in a while. I didn’t realize that another option was constant nausea and fatigue for months. Even looking at Pinterest and Instagram was off-limits, because there’s a lot of food on there, and just the thought of most food made me feel sick.
On top of the physical problems, I felt like the last thing I wanted to deal with was worrying about how to convincingly lie about why I wasn’t drinking or socializing much. And when I turned down invitations to hang out with a friend, I was concerned that she’d think the issue was her. When we told her the news, she mentioned that she had been worried she had offended us. Obviously she was totally understanding, but I hated running the risk of hurting the feelings of people I care about!
I’m a pretty transparent person in real life. I hate lying, and I’m really bad at it. Poker is not the game for me, because I’m not good at hiding my true feelings about something (my face betrays me even if my mouth doesn’t). There were a couple of people who I ended up telling the news earlier than I meant to, just because I gave up after stumbling over my own white lies. And then I felt guilty, like I had screwed up and done something wrong.
So it’s a big relief to finally be able to tell the world about this life-changing news! At this point although there are still good days and bad days, the good ones are outnumbering the bad. Knock on wood that this trend continues!